Classification: Mom, Mother, Mommy


Lately, I’ve been seeing online quizzes that tell you what type of mom you are. I’ve also seen memes about helicopter moms all over social media this past week. Now, I’ve done a post in the past on an older blog that listed like 20 different kinds of moms that I’ve run into. I’m a little more seasoned as a mom at this point, and I think I can combine some of those categories.

I would say this post isn’t meant to judge or offend anyone, but anytime there is categorization, there will be subtle hints of shade and judgement. To be honest, I don’t care if you a specific kind of mom or not. I’m actually a combination of the types I’m going to talk about. I’m not even sure if the ones I am about to list are real categories, or if it’s just a personal observation. This is meant in jest, so pull the panties out before they go any higher.

The Loner Mom – This mom doesn’t need or want a mom tribe. She has a few friends with kids, but prefers the company of her family and herself. This mom doesn’t need weekly coffee or wine sessions to unwind. She can be a homebody and doesn’t feel the need to constantly be around people. Book clubs and gossip don’t really catch her eye. Discloser: She isn’t as unfriendly as she sounds, she’s just busy doing her mom thing in her own mom world.

The Boss Mom – Whether she works and takes care of the kids from home or goes to work outside of the home, she is a boss. Boss doesn’t always equate to a high paying position in my book. She could have a few hustles. She has her email synced to her notifications, and she has specific drawers or file cabinets at home. She may or may not sell leggings, makeup, or some kind of container as a side business. This mom probably has a very specific coffee order and considers trips to Target a mission, rather than a fun escape. Disclosure: Organization doesn’t always have to make sense to the others. It can be controlled chaos. Some enjoy their ogranzition without a label maker.

The Stage 5 Clinger – Most people refer to her as a helicopter mom, but I call her clingy. This is the lady that will be mid-sentence and yell her kids name, whether they are five feet away or in another room, just to see if they are okay. This is the mom that probably uses the rectal thermometer longer than recommended because accuracy is everything. She is scary good at being a mom and just scary in general. Clingy doesn’t always mean that she will go to college with her babies, but she may have a copy of their class schedule. She has the ability to make you question if you mom hard enough. She is just always there and always prepared.

The Healthy Mom – This lady loves the word organic. She thinks sugar is the devil, and she most likely has a much better body than I do. She doesn’t eat after a certain hour, and her kids do not eat processed food. This is the mom than makes her baby food by hand. She most likely used cloth diapers and is very particular about fabrics. Disclaimer: I commend this mom and her healthy journey. I know many moms like this, as well as have some in the family. Please don’t invite me to your health groups or to the gym.

The Tablet Mom – This mom is up to date on technology. She has the latest smartphone and tablet. Her kids are better at working these things than I am, and they aren’t even in preschool yet. This is the mom that might allow technology to do a bit of babysitting while she sorts through her bills online. She knows and is willing to discuss all of the benefits of modern technology. She may also believe that video games are a good thing for children (not saying they aren’t). This mom makes sure that every holiday that involves gift giving, there are updated systems for the house.

The Apron Mom – This is the TV Land, stay-at-home mom. She has the laundry done and put away rather than my method of redrying and folding later. She has dinner on the table and packs a wonderful lunch for her kids and significant other. She can clean, cook, sew, mow, and her messy bun stays in place. She’s the magazine mom that make her crafts and meals Pinterest picture perfect.

The Model Mom – This mom could wear heels year round, but she probably has an incredible selection of shoes with styish flats and boots. She doesnt wear yoga pants unless she is coming from working out. She doesnt have wrinkles in her clothes, and her kids always have a clean face. Her daughter actually lets her brush her hair and put it up with ease unlike my daughter who screams if she even sees me coming towards her with a dress. She is the mom that has an Instagram with enviable holiday pictures where her kids smile at the camera.

The Hot Mess Mom – This is the mom that combines all of the mom attributes. She is all over the place, but she knows the ins and outs of said place. Her kids are on a schedule, but that doesn’t mean it’s set in stone. Some nights, she has a perfect dinner and table all ready. Other nights, it’s everyone’s choice of freezer and microwave food. She has a balance, but some people can’t quite understand her flow.

I could make a million side categories from these. The nerd mom would fall under the tablet mom and be uo to date on all comic franchises. The sports mom would probably be between the healthy mom and boss mom. He kids have a jersey of their families team before they are 3 months old. The world is full of labels and silly categories. I attempt to be a little bit of each type of mom. I end up being the Hot Mess Mom, but it works for me.


Categories: Motherhood

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