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Sorta Fit, Sorta Fat

The pressure to have the ideal body type is still around despite more companies showing diverity in body image.

Personally, I have struggled with these types of issues since a young teenager. I had an exhausting, eight year battle with bulimia. I sought treatment, and have been succesful in my recovery, though it took about a year for me to actually take care of myself. Once I was healthy mentally and physically, I was able to start a family. Having a family has been what gave me the confidence I needed all those years.

I never knew what my real body type was until my twenties, because I did eveything I could to not be curvy like my grandma and aunts. My mother was so petite, and I just fought to have her body type. I am curvy, and I’m pretty short at only five feet tall.

Once I had babies, my curves were undeniable, and there was no amount of loose clothing to hide in. I don’t think I embraced my body fully until this year. I want to love myself but also live a moderately healthy lifestyle. I am by no means a woman that eats salad weekly, but I also don’t snack on chips or soda. I’m sort of a healthy, but I have some jiggle. I found a balance that works for me.

As someone who has tried every diet, every pill, and every cleanse, I just learned to find what works for my body. I know there’s no secret pill, and once you cheat on a carb free diet, you’ve undone all that work. The secret is to be happy. I’m happy to drink a few glasses of water but also enjoy some sweet tea and coffee. I don’t deprive myself of cake, but I don’t make a habit out of snacking on sweets all day.

I’m the type of person who will obsess. If I start working out, I have to know when to cut myself off. I can’t look at calories. I will become obsessed wih numbers and timing, and it gets so unhealthy because I spiral out of control. I found a way that works for me.

I don’t want to join your mom fitness group or go to a gym. It’s not for me because, I hate hearing women say they don’t want to look like they had kids. First of all, I owe my butt to my kids. I owe my hips to my kids. Not every lady wants added baggage but mine was what I needed. I needed to see that extra is what worked for me. Extra is natural. I work out almost daily at home and still have an extra “mom pouch,” and that’s okay. Confidence makes you beautiful, not necessarily fitting into that tiny bikini. I applaud all women who wear crop tops and two piece swim suits. Love yourself without shrinking to someone else’s standard.

I know everyone feels differently. I’ve read the countless debates about how plus size is not healthy. BMI and sizing standards are garbage. My organs were shutting down when I was first admitted to the hospital with my eating disorder. Doctors told me that I was underweight, but my BMI said I was right in target range. I had sunken cheek bones and hip bones that stuck out like nails, but I was not under 100 pounds. It’s not about the number. It’s not about the size in your waist band. That is why I say I’m sorta fit and sorta fat. I’m healthy, but I wear double digit sized jeans.

Instead of before and after pictures that show your body and weightloss, take them of your face and smile. If you love working out for the lifestyle and health, take a picture of those happy endorphins. I don’t workout for waist definition. I workout because it gives me energy and some “me time.” I hope other moms see that it’s okay to love your “mom body,” and if you don’t love it, I’ll love it for you!

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