Every long weekend, anniversary, or time my husband isn’t working overtime, I get asked the same question- why don’t you get a sitter and have alone time? To be extremely honest, the only night my son spent away from me, was when I was giving birth to my daughter.
I get ridiculed for this quite often. I don’t like spending nights away from my kids. I’ve had my parents and in-laws babysit for important appointments and a few rare dinner dates, but that’s about the extent of it.
Other members of my family who have toddlers and elementary school aged kids laugh at me over this topic at every social gathering. They tell me I am not normal and roll their eyes when I say I like having the kids home. There are a few factors as to why I’m not big on letting my littles away for too long. I don’t really think I’m not a complete hover mom.
The summer before our wedding, my husband and I told my obgyn that we were thinking about starting a family. I was told my uterus was abnornally shaped and that conceiving may not be as easy as we hoped. So, I was told to go off of my birth control that I had been on since I was a teenager. The doctor said not stressing and just “going with the flow” should help.
3 weeks before the wedding, I was so sick I could barely get out of bed. I took a bunch of pregnancy tests, but they were negative. I went back to the obgyn, and took a blood test. That was negative. They told me to go to my family doctor and get checked out. I got so many tests done, and they came to the conclusion that my liver was the issue. They said something was wrong. I was worried that my previous history with bulimia was the reason I was so sick, but I kept searching for answers because I hadn’t relapsed in over a year.
Even though I adore my family doc and trust him completely, I went back to the obgyn and told her they thought it was my liver but I wasn’t so sure. She gave me a cup to pee in one last time. She walked in with an ultrasound machine on wheels and said I was pregnant. Sure enough, the ultrasound showed that I was 18 weeks pregnant. She was suprised by the negative results from the other tests but at least we knew it wasn’t my liver.
I was sick the entire 9 months. My labor was 16 hours, but my son was healthy. When we conceived my daughter, labor was 18 hours and she was born blue with a cord around her neck, and my blood pressure dropped too low that I went unconscious. After we were both stabilized, everything went okay until we got home. I had a horrible blood infection because everything didn’t come out. I almost died, and that’s not being dramatic. It was the most terrifying few weeks in my life.
So with the rough births, I can be honest and say I was a bit clingy with my babies. After my son was born, I did see a therapist for post partum and separation anxiety. I had similar emotions after my daughter, but I had good coping mechanisms and got through.
Now, my son is 3 and my daughter will be 2 in February. The past traumas and stress aren’t the only reasons we don’t just hand our kids over to their grandparents or a sitter. We are big on baby proofing and safety and feel the safest place is our home. My mom loves nic nacks and candles. Today, my parents actually had a fire from leaving a candle on while they left the house. They need a new kitchen counter and luckily, that’s all.
Once, my son was holding this glass orb at their house when he was a year old. It had batteries in the base and would glow different colors. It shattered in his face. It just blew up without him squeezing it or anything. We had to remove shards of glass from our babies face. I told them time and time agin jot to let him touch stuff like that, but they are grandparents that won’t listen. My parents still won’t move their breakables, and they babysit other kids often. My kids definitely aren’t the first to have accidents there.
I know my kids will get hurt anywhere. They trip over their own shadows. They get their grace from me, but if I can stop them from the serious stuff, I will. My house is very toddler proof, because I’m a stay-at-home mom who patrols that. Potential injuries aside, there’s one last reason we don’t let the tots do overnights yet.
We love hanging out with our kids. We are homebodies all week long, because my husband works second shift. Once the weekend is here, we take the kids and go. We visit family, shop, and spend a lot of time outdoors. We like having family movie nights, and getting cozy with good food. We just genuinely enjoy being around our kids.
Even on nights when we want alone time, we wait until the kids are in bed and have a date night in the living room. We’ve never felt like we needed a “break.”
I’m constantly told I will want a “break” from my kids, and it’s coming. I’m not saying if you do need one, you’re a bad parent, I just wouldn’t be able to relax completely if my kids weren’t home in their beds. So, it wouldn’t be a “break” if I was worrying in the back of my mind.
We do occasionally get invited to places kids are not welcome, but we don’t usually go. We aren’t big drinkers. I have a glass of wine from time to time, but we aren’t huge fans of party settings or bars. We also don’t have many friends with kids, so we are sort of loners in that aspect. We have a handful of friends that will visit or come for dinner on occasion, but the kids run around and visit when they are here.
I guess we aren’t as fun since we do so much with our kids. A lot of the friends we did have think we are boring or call us “old.” I’m 27 and my husband is 26. We are far from old, but we are probably boring. We would rather go play at the park, go on mountain rides and hikes, or make a big dinner and watch movies with the kids.
I get it. Aside from being boring, people think I worry too much, and I keep a short leash on the kids. I probably do, but I enjoy hanging out and carting around my kiddos. It’s fun for us. My husband works so much, that when he’s home, he likes to see the little ones too. Is that so crazy? Are we really that strange?