It’s that time of year for cookie trays and big family feasts. I always get super anxious about over indulging. I’m panicking as I’m trying to figure out if I can fit in an extra workout. Truth is, I don’t want to feel all of that guilt and pressure this year. I want to love myself whether I eat a piece of pie or not.
I haven’t relapsed from my bulimia in almost 4 years, but I still struggle to love myself consistently. I’ve posted about my long journey with eating disorders here. I have good days, and I have bad days. It’s important to remind yourself that you’re human.
For the next week that my husband has off work, I know there will be a struggle to find time to workout. I don’t want to get out my weights and do my exercises when I could be spending time with him. Granted, we could work out together, but we already do that. This holiday, I want to snuggle up with my husband and kids. I want to be lazy for once.
As a SAHM, I get a fair amount of questions asking why I’m tired so much because I can just “sit down when I want.” As hilarious as that notion is, I am running around most of the day. If my family is going to be together for the holidays, then I want to be present. I don’t want to spend my holiday running around like a mad woman plus trying to find time to workout.
I’m worried if I skip my workouts, I might have confidence issues. It’s an internal struggle. I want to love my body and be good to my body, at the same time, I would never shame someone else for taking a break. Here I am, shaming myself for wanting a break.
I also worry about the foods. I love food, but it makes me so nervous to eat on holidays. I usually pick at my plate and share with my kids, but I want to eat. I want to feel energized and full instead of anxious. I get tired of people suggesting to skip the cookie tray and go for the fruit. I think I’ve seen a fair amount of articles on how to eat smart for the holidays. I’m sure that’s wonderful for some people, but my mom cooks for days, and if I don’t eat a damn cookie, she’s gonna hit me with a rolling pin.
For those who decide to eat smart and healthy, more power to you. I commend that lifestyle, but it’s not for me. I’ve tried every diet, workout, and pill. I’ve tried clean eating too. What works best for me isn’t necessarily about weight. I can’t chase numbers on a scale, because that’s what always led to me relapse. For me, I need to balance everything. I like to eat foods I enjoy and I like to do small workouts. My workouts are never more than 45 minutes, and I like the way I feel when I do them. I have wonderful balance when it’s not the holiday season. I’m just trying to find ways to keep it together when my routine is out of whack.
I’ve decided I’m going to just breathe and enjoy. I’m going to eat a cookie, not a dozen or anything, but one or two. I’m going to stay active, even if it’s not my standard workout. I’m going to enjoy my family without falling into a dark place.
I found a few quotes that I’m going to use when I feel my confidence wavering. I want to feel beautiful at the Christmas parties and dinners. I want to smile when we go visit family. These quotes will help me, and I hope they can help others too.
Quotes to Remember
1. “Your self-esteem won’t come from body parts. You need to step away from the mirror every once in a while and look for another reflection, like the one in the eyes of the people who love and admire you.” –Stacy London
2. “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” -Marilyn Monroe
3. “There is nothing wrong with your body. But there is a lot wrong with the messages which try to convince you otherwise.” -Rae Smith
4. “If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty. Which is: who cares?!” –Tina Fey
5. “You are no less valuable at a size 16 than a size 4. You are no less valuable as a 32 A than a 32 C.” -Mary Lambert
6. “Feeling beautiful has nothing to do with what you look like.” -Emma Watson
7. “One day I decided that I was beautiful and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl. It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see.” -Gabourey Sidibe
8. “Workout because you love your body, not because you hate it.” –Katie Goblet
9. “You’re a human being, you live once and life is wonderful, so eat the damn red velvet cupcake.” –Emma Stone
10. “I don’t really care what I look like that much. And I think that women out there should just be happy with how they look and they shouldn’t really try to conform to any stereotype. Just be happy and hopefully healthy.” -Rebel Wilson
11. “We live in a day and age where people make it impossible for women, men, anyone to embrace themselves exactly how they are. Diversity is sexy! Loving yourself is sexy! You know what is not sexy? Misogyny, objectifying, labeling, comparing and body shaming! Talking about people’s bodies as if they’re on display asking for your approval / opinion. They are not! Celebrate yourself. Celebrate others. The things that make us different from one another make us beautiful.” –Ariana Grande
12. “I’m not going to sacrifice my mental health to have the perfect body.“ -Demi Lovato
I know a lot of these people are gorgeous celebrities. I used to think what the hell does Ariana Grande have to be self conscious about. Then, I realized we all have insecurities and issues with our bodies at some point in our life. We need to rally and spread love. Love yourself. Be positive and the self-worth will come. Stay happy this holiday!