It dawned on me this week that I’m coming up on 6 months since my hysterectomy. It’s been a whirlwind half of a year, but I’m healthy and happy to be here.
You can read about my reproductive health struggles and journey here:
I had such a hard time with pain management. My doctor didn’t give me any pain meds to take home. When I called in to his office in tears, he told me to suck it up. I knew he was the best doctor, but he has the worst bedside manner.
I watched my husband do everything he could to keep me comfortable. It was so hard to be in that much pain in front of my babies too. I just wanted to hold them, but I couldn’t for days.
After about two weeks of listening to doctors orders about what movement was allowed, I started doing small odds and ends around the house. I wasn’t lifting too much, but I was picking up shoes and toys. I couldn’t stand not doing my job as a SAHM.
Waiting for the Pain to Return
I was terrified that the pain from my webbing and growths would come back. Also, I thought sex would keep hurting, and I’d never be able to exercise for more than a few minutes. I just had very little hope that the surgery was going to have any benefit. Thankfully, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Once the 6 week ban on exercise and sex were over, I gave them a try. I started small with my workouts and had a few times where I probably did too much, but I haven’t stopped my workouts. I’m still going strong and am pain free. I’ve never felt healthier, and that still surprises the hell out of me.
My sex life is incredible now, but I was so afraid I’d lose my drive after the hysterectomy. I felt like I lost my sexy feminine edge at first, but my husband kept reminding me that my uterus wasn’t the reason he was sexually attracted me. After figuring out that I could have sex without moments of pain, that was all she wrote! My sex life has never been better.
Physically Better but Struggling Mentally
I feel better overall. It’s six months out, and my body is healthy. I don’t struggle with daily pain. Honestly, I do still have moments where I worry about my remaining ovary, since it’s had a tumor removed from it in the past. I hope nothing else happens, so I can avoid hormone therapy. The biggest issue is my mental state.
I’ve had issues with depression and anxiety since I was a kid, but there have been some incredibly dark moments post hysterectomy. It’s not an obstacle everyday, but that’s the hard part- I’m blindsided by intense depression and angry mood swings.
I can’t have any more children. Sure, I could adopt or go another route, but my body can no longer make life. Not even being 30 years old and not being able to carry a child has made me feel so empty and angry. I’m so fortunate to have been able to give birth to two healthy babies, but that doesn’t change the empty feeling I can’t seem to shake.
I try to look for the positives. I’m healthy, I have a family, and I have a lower risk of further reproductive issues. The truth is that all of the positives can’t always defeat depression. I will have to just keep staying strong, and at least, I know I’m very good at that.
Positivity is the Best Defense
I’ve been trying to look on the bright side of almost every challenge thrown my way. It’s helped my blog grow, it’s benefited my relationships, and most importantly, it’s made me a better mom.
By trying to overcome my issues with being positive, I’ve been able to work through my anxiety better. I’ve found coping mechanisms and have been able to be more open about all of it.
6 months post hysterectomy, and I feel like I’m a better person. I know it sounds crazy to think a surgery could have changed my outlook on things, but it genuinely has. This situation taught me patience for learning to let things go. It’s really helped show me that I can’t control everything, but I can overcome whatever I want. I chose to be better and stronger. Depression and mood swings can’t take away from the good that has come from this.
Positive Changes and Gains
- Pain Free– I can run around my house and get all of my cleaning done without pausing for moments of intense pain. Hitting bumps in a vehicle doesn’t hurt anymore. I am pain free from all of the usual things that would cause me to double over.
- Improved Sex Life– Because I can have sex without pain, I don’t hold back. Our sex life has become even more fun than I could have imagined. Having such an amazing sex life has also improved my self-esteem.
- More Motivated- I have so much more determination and motivation for everything. I want to keep writing. Also, I want to do a ton of new activities with my toddlers. I want to conquer the damn world! Going through this whole ordeal has given me motivation to push through even the darkest of times.
- Curly Hair– This may be an odd addition to the list, but a few months before my hysterectomy, my pain was at its peek. During that peek, my stick straight hair was getting waves. Once surgery happened, curls started popping up. Now, I have curly hair all over. It’s been crazy, but it has also improved my confidence.
Today, I try to follow the Curly Girl Method, and you can read about it here.
This is me today. I’m still learning to love myself consistently, but out of everything I’ve gained, it’s all boosted my self-esteem and confidence. Every positive change has played a role in helping me love who I am and how I look.
I know I will continue to have my struggles and battles with depression and anxiety, but this hysterectomy has given me so much. I may have lost some, but I’m going to try and focus on what I’ve gained.
Thanks for being there with me through this journey. I’m lucky to have such a wonderful support system. I love you all!