Coffee Talks: House Shaming

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About a year and a half ago, we bought our first home. I will admit that it was a long, grueling process, but we were so proud of ourselves. Right now, a handful of our friends and family are either in the process of buying or just recently bought their first homes. It’s a really exciting time.

When we first bought our home, the comments weren’t all positive. I was pretty shocked at the way people were talking about my home and to my face nonetheless.

What We Heard
  • “It’s so cute. I can’t believe how modern it is. We never thought you’d like something so modern.” -My husband is described as country I guess, so a lot of people were surprised at our new appliances and the style of our home. Guess they thought we’d live in a dump.
  • “This is nice. It’s smaller than I want, but it’s a nice house.” -A fair amount of people said that our house was small. I will admit I was a bit offended. Our house is almost 1300 square feet. It does look small from the front I guess, but I think it’s a perfect size for us and our starter 3 bedroom home.
  • “It’s a nice area, but I want a house where there are no neighbors.” – Trust me, we wanted to live far away from people too, but we had a lot to consider. I’m a blind SAHM, and it’s important to be close to hospitals, schools, and family in case of an emergency while my husband is at work. I also love the area. It’s right outside of the town I grew up in, and my neighbors are awesome.

We were so excited to show our friends and family what we accomplished, but only a handful of those people were positive. Whether the others didn’t mean to offend or not, it still hurt. I just wanted someone to congratulate us. We did have an amazing support system who helped us move and were very incredible, so it wasn’t all bad.

Be Supportive

I’m happy for everyone’s successes. I support each and every one of my friends. We are too damn old to be competing and have envy. I’m just happy we are all doing our own thing.

There’s a couple we’ve known for going on 7 or 8 years. We aren’t close to them like we used to be. However, we occasionally see them at a store and catch up a bit.

They bought a home this past summer, and I was so excited for them. The woman didn’t elaborate, but I didn’t need details. We aren’t best friends or anything, but I wanted to congratulate them on such an exciting step in life. She later messaged me and thanked me for my support but said they only bought a mobile home. I shocked her even more, because I replied what does that matter? A home is a home. You did it, girl!

To me, buying your first place doesn’t have to be some fancy mansion. I’m just happy they had their own space. I’m pretty sure her opinion of me changed for the better that day.

Everyone Is Different!

I will say this until I can’t anymore. Everyone is different. Everyone has different preferences, but when someone buys a house, you don’t need to tell them all the things about their house that aren’t for you. Just smile and accept that their dream is different than your dream.

My brother-in-law and his girlfriend are buying a super amazing house, and I’m so happy for them. It’s actually a house we looked at before our current one, so that’s pretty cool. I’m just happy they found what makes them happy, and that’s how you should support the ones you love.

Who Cares!?

It took me a while to shake off those little digs. It took me a while to say who the hell cares what people think? It’s hard when you want your friends and family to think highly of you and your choices, but in the end, they are your choices. It’s your life. It’s our home, and if it’s not what everyone else likes, who cares?

Let’s Stay Positive

If you know people who are buying or recently bought a living space, just be positive. Compliment their home without throwing tiny shade pebbles. I will always support and be happy for those who are succeeding around me.


21 thoughts on “Coffee Talks: House Shaming”

  1. Love your advice ! I have started home searching and have received negative comments as well, since it’s just me and my 2 kids.

  2. Great advice!

    Wow! People really said those insensitive things?! I just can’t with people sometimes.

    1. Yeah. The worst part is that they didnโ€™t think anything of it. They thought they were just explaining what they wanted. People can be rude, but I love my home. I will support the successes of those around me! ๐Ÿ˜Š

      1. Always! Supporting others’ successes is essential to eliminate envy and jealousy, two very unhealthy emotions.

        Congratulations on the purchase of your house. It’s a huge deal and a major accomplishment Many people live a lifetime and aren’t able to do that, you should be proud.

        Did you have a housewarming? I live for celebratory parties. ๐Ÿ˜

      2. Thanks so much! I totally agree.

        We had a dinner we made for the few supportive friends and family members who helped us move, but it wasnโ€™t a housewarming. It was more of a buffet of food to thank them for their help. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  3. I agree! We need to be more supportive to our fellow man. It happened to us as well when we bought our tiny 3 bedroom, 1 bath duplex with steep stairs when I was 8 months pregnant. Itโ€™s been a great home for us all these 19 years and counting. No one has fallen down the stairs and we have built up great equity for our retirement years which is only 7short years away.

    1. Buying a house, no matter what size, is an accomplishment. Youโ€™re securing a home for your family, and no matter how much space or money is involved, itโ€™s wonderful! Iโ€™m happy for people to grow and accomplish goals. ๐Ÿ˜Š

  4. Amazing story and you are 100% correct. People should just be supportive of your home! I have to say that at least they said it to your face instead of talking about it behind your back, even if it does suck that they felt the need to.

    1. I agree! Iโ€™m glad they said those things in front of me. Now, I understand their character a bit more.

  5. Really love this post. We are in the process of buying our first home and in the final stages of saving. Its so incredibly difficult and you do have to sacrifice quite a few things for a little while. I can imagine how hurtful those comments must of felt especially knowing how much work gods in to buying your home. Unfortunately some people only care about the spotlight being on them and their opinion. But you are so right you do need to rise above it and just genuinely be happy for people. Its such a accomplishment and i am genuinely excited for people succeeding. Its also so empowering to you know be happy for someone when youโ€™re not there yet but know that you will eventually get there! Thanks so much for sharing and congratulations on your home, i bet its stunning ๐Ÿ’•

    1. Thank you so much! Itโ€™s amazing for others to relate and understand where Iโ€™m coming from. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ’•

  6. Wow, people really will shame others for absolutely anything these days. I don’t have my own home (and I’m nowhere near getting to the point where I will!) but I wouldn’t dream of saying anything like this? And I don’t know why people would feel the need to comment on the fact a house is / looks small. So what? There’s nothing wrong with small houses? I love small houses!

    Jenny in Neverland

    1. People just have no manners anymore, but thatโ€™s okay. It shows me who is good hearted.

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