Coffee Talks: To My Husband
With a million things I could say, I want to start with us. Before the kids, before the house, and before the jobs and late nights, we were just two best friends with more baggage than anyone else we knew. Our paths crossed so many times before our friendship blossomed. I genuinely believe we were meant to be together.
I looked forward to seeing you every single morning of our high school career. Senior year was one of the most challenging years for me, but sitting at that table with you everyday, was the best start to my mornings.
You Didn’t Even Know
There was so much I didn’t tell you from high school or college. There were days I couldn’t hide my smile when you were around. There were nights where you were a constant fixture in my dreams. I thought I loved you in those early years, but it scared the hell out of me. So, I pushed down those feelings, and I accepted the role as your best friend. I was too afraid of losing everyone around us, because we had complicated situations. I was too worried you didn’t feel the same, so I let it be.
I wish I had more courage back then. I wish I could have said screw them and what they think. I hid who I really was to please others. I just wanted to be myself and to be loved, but that didn’t seem possible. So, I became a chameleon and hid the real me.
I hid things from you that I wish I didn’t. I don’t have regrets, but if I could go back and tell you some of my secrets, I would have. I trusted you more than anyone, but I was afraid to tell you that. I was scared of giving another person power over me like I did in the past. I wanted to just run away with you and start fresh.
When my struggles and battles with depression and my eating disorder got worse, I thought you knew or at least had a hunch. When you came for me that day, the day I went into the hospital, I wanted so badly to fall to pieces in your arms. You were the light in my very dark life, but no one knew how much I was suffering.
I looked forward to every phone call and visit during my treatment. You gave me hope. You were my everything in those moments, and you were the reason I decided to live. I wanted to get better, so we could finally have a life together.
Finding out that you loved me just as much as I loved you was the change that I so desperately needed. Until I knew you’d wait for me like you did, it felt like I couldn’t breathe. That first kiss took away so much pain, and I could breathe again.
We Rebuilt Ourselves
We lost friends. We lost family. We lost so much when we decided to be together. People were clueless to how it happened, so they made assumptions. I cared too much about what they all thought in the beginning, but now it’s like they are barely a memory.
Slowly, we built a life for ourselves. I got healthy and we both became happy. I saw a future with you. I saw babies and a life with you that I could never see as clearly with anyone else.
Each new place we lived and worked was like a new adventure. We had to grow up so fast, so we could usually handle all of that change. It didn’t make it easy though. We had so many hardships, but I felt like we could do anything as long as we were together.
I Said Yes
I bugged you about a ring more than I care to say out load. I circled magazines and catalogs. I was ready, and I hoped you were too. I wanted more. I wanted to be your wife, and when that finally happened, I felt at home.
After marriage came the babies. You weren’t ready, but I was. I knew you said that you wanted to have a family that early, because that’s what I wanted. Thank you. Thank you for giving me our son when you did. I’m sorry for that year. It was exhausting, and I only made it more so. But somehow, you stuck by me.
Even when I was ready to give up and quit on us, you knew I didn’t mean it. You stayed by my side and fought for us when I was too tired. You kept our heads above water, and for that, I’m so thankful.
We were able to find our footing again, and it was like falling in love with you all over again. You supported me through everything. All of those surgeries and my health issues must have took a toll on you, but you still stayed by my side. You propped me up and kept me going.
When my health improved and we got the go ahead for baby number two, it felt like a honeymoon. You were so good to me, and we made the best team. Having our dream team made me so happy. I finally felt like I belonged somewhere. I finally felt like I had a purpose.
We didn’t just grow up. We glowed up, and we did it together. We got the jobs we had always dreamed about. We had two amazing babies. We bought a home. It felt like all those years of fighting were finally worth it.
I’ve never felt so at home as I do with you. You’re not just my husband, you’re my best friend. I always want to be with you. I love hanging out and having fun with you, and now that we have kids, it feels like my heart is full and happy.
I Don’t Tell You Enough
Father’s Day and your birthday are always close, and I don’t want those to be the only days you hear that I appreciate you. I appreciate everything that you do for us. I’m so grateful for the love you’ve given us.
I wouldn’t have been about to chase my dream of being a writer and author without your support. I wouldn’t love myself and my body without you wrapping your arms around me all of the time. You and those babies are the reason I smile everyday.
You gave me a life I could only have dreamt about. I’m so grateful that you’ve continued to love me and fight for me even when it wasn’t easy. You really are the most incredible man and person I’ve ever met. I hope that someday, I can be as amazing as you are.
You’re so unbelievably kind. Everyone jokes about how you’re this big, scary man, but you help anyone and everyone who needs it whether they ask or not. You give so much of yourself to help others.
You deserve the world, baby. I love each and every second of our lives together. You’re the most wonderful father, husband, and best friend. I love you more than words could ever describe.
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being you. Happy birthday, Ginger.