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Keeping that Spark: Marriage and Sex Talk

Marriage is hard. Like grit your teeth, swear a lot like you just broke a toe kind of hard. Just like breaking that toe, in the heat of the moment, you have to remember to breathe and tell yourself you’ve got this even when it feels like you stepped in lava and your toe is going to fall off, because you’re tough. Marriage is made up of a million moments together, and not every moment is swoon worthy. Some moments, many moments, are hard. Yes, I compared those two things, and no I don’t think lightly of marriage. Remember, I’m blind and run into a lot of stuff and break a lot of toes.

Keeping the spark alive has never been an issue for me and my husband, and I attribute that to two things. We are friends first and foremost, and we connect on all levels, especially a sexual level. We have so much chemistry and that includes sexually.

Being friends is important to me, because I want to hear about his day and vice versa. We aren’t simple, “my day was good” people. We talk like friends, and we share every detail. We communicate very well.

We also understand when one of us needs some space to just cool off and have alone time. Being best friends doesn’t mean being glued to each other all of the time. It’s about finding that medium where there is compromise.

Sure, we do a lot together, but some of the things that bring us closer together and keep us close are just everyday tasks. The little things really matter to us, and there’s always a plus when you’re doing it together.

  • We cook together. We are big foodies, and we love trying new recipes and being in the kitchen as a couple. We are in our kitchen every night making dinner together. It’s one of our favorite activities, and it really helps us to appreciate one another. Plus, who in the hell doesn’t love food! It brings people together.
  • We take tub time together. My husband and I try to shower with each other or give the other baths often. Nakedness is magical for one, and secondly, we can talk face to face and enjoy that closeness after a long day apart. Plus, butts make everyone happy.
  • We take space together. I know that sounds odd, but everyone needs alone time. Usually, I’ll spend some time on my blog and write, and my husband will play some video games. We are still under the same roof and sometimes still in close proximity. Taking that time to mentally have space keeps us from being bored with each other. Plus, he’s usually the one with the kids when we do this, so momma gets a break!

The little stuff has always kept us together. When we fight, we usually settle down with a little time apart and then do something together, so we can talk it out. It’s been working for half a decade, and I can’t wait for the next 5 years.

This post is going to go beyond talking about those different little moments. One of the factors of our marriage is sex and our sexual chemistry. I don’t think sex is the reason we work so well together, but it definitely plays a role in our happy marriage. Be prepared, because I’m not about to only share sex tips this time. I’m talking about some very taboo things.

Sexy Time

I’ve done numerous sex related posts, and I’ve even had a few Adam and Eve sponsored posts. I do believe that a good sexual relationship is apart of a successful marriage. I think being open, comfortable, and adventurous have also played into our sexual relationship. I also feel like it has grown our trust for each other.

When we first started our relationship, we were hard to be around. I won’t lie, we were very hands on, and I don’t regret a second of it. We were like magnets, and our sexual chemistry has only gotten stronger over the years.

I knew I didn’t want the same old sex and positions every time, and he felt the same way. We wanted to explore all of our options with each other, and for the first time, I genuinely felt comfortable being naked around someone. I honestly attribute a lot of my self-love growth to having a healthy and comfortable sex life, but everyone is different. That’s the beauty of this.

For us, sex isn’t about turning on music and dimming the lights. We aren’t the slow, love making type of couple. While we do make love, we also like to have fun and spice it up. It’s kind of like that cringe-worthy line in 50 Shades where the male lead says, “I don’t make love. I fuck.” As much as I’m wincing at that statement, it’s partially true for our love life.

I don’t believe romance is a single type of love or set of actions. I think we all have different ideas of romance and what is romantic to me, might not be romantic to you. As couples, it’s important to explain what you want and what is romantic to you. That openness can really increase your sexual connectivity.

In the Bedroom

Did you know that August is anal sex awareness month? It’s intended to break down stigmas and myths surrounding anal intimacy. That is sort of what inspired me to take more action with my sex positive posts. I believe that understanding not only our bodies but what gives us pleasure and applying that to our relationships can aid in a great sex life.

If you’re hesitant after that anal sex fact, be prepared. I’m not done yet. When my husband and I first got together, we were very vocal about not really knowing what we liked sexually. We each had other partners, but we both didn’t have the sex lives we wanted. Our sex history was very “missionary” as we like to say. I love the missionary position, don’t get me wrong, but there was so much more to sex than I imagined.

Communicating about what we wanted to do and trying new things together was very eye opening. I realized that sex is so much more than something you do. It’s about pleasure, trust, and connecting on a different level.

Both my husband and I wanted to try anal, because neither of us had done it. I was clueless and thought it’s going to hurt and not be fun for me. Once I did research, like real, honest research, I learned that I could definitely enjoy it.

  • I want to share some of the myths about anal sex, because I know many women, friends included, who are terrified. Many of them have made the joke about “it’s an exit only area.” Just trust me on this.
    • Myth: It’s painful. Any and all sex can be painful if you just go barreling in there all willy-nilly. First, you have to want it. You also need to be prepared. The right lube makes a big difference, and if you relax and breathe without instantly clenching those cheeks, it won’t hurt. It actually feels pretty damn good.
    • Myth 2: It’s dirty. Again, any sex can be dirty if you haven’t showered and you’re sweaty after a long day. Freshen up. Shower together, and get some pregame time. If you’re fresh, it’s not dirty.
      Myth 3: It doesn’t feel good for women, because we don’t have a prostate. The booty is rich in blood vessels and nerves and is highly sensitive. Also, the right angles and positions can allow for pressure on the right spots making orgasm extremely possible.

    I completely understand that anal sex is not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s the beauty of sex. We get to customize what we like and don’t like to do. I’ll be honest and admit we try to have a “butt night” every month or so. I’m not ashamed to admit it’s something I enjoy.

    With toys, oils, and lubes, the backdoor can be fun. Adult stores offer so much too, so if it’s not something you like, you have a ton of options if you want to spice it up. I just really wanted to spread some booty love awareness, because there are stigmas that need to be broken.

    I’m already open about my appreciation of sex toys and active sex life, so I believe the more open we are, the more barriers we break. Sex is healthy. Nakedness is healthy. Exploring pleasure is not only healthy, but it can also boost your self-love and body image.

    Having a wonderful sex life with your partner, married or not, can boost your overall relationship happiness. Trusting in each other and making each other feel good is all apart of sex, and it genuinely can aid in partnership. We are physical beings, so exploring that in a safe and healthy way is something I will always be vocal about and support.

    Be prepared for more sex and marriage talk from Housewife Hustle. Later in the month, I will also share some of my new favorite toys and lubes for all types of play, including some backdoor toys. Hopefully, I haven’t scared you off, because sexual discourse is something I whole heartedly support, and I won’t be doing away with it anytime soon.

    Have a fabulous week, and feel free to check out my other sex talk posts.

    Let’s Talk About Sex Momma

    Steaming Up Spring

    When Self-Care Meets Pleasure

    -Jenni

    16 Comments »

    1. Anal sex doesn’t really do it for me, but I think it’s such a healthy thing for any couple to be able to have an open conversation about butt night or any other kind of night.

    2. Interesting post! I always appreciate you being really open and honest and straight with how you feel about body appreciation and marriage and sex life. I have never tried anal sex before and I have seen those myths before and the answers were very similar to what you said! You just have to really prepare and relax and give it a chance. Thanks for sharing Jenni!

      Geraldine | https://geraldinetalks.com

      • Thanks! And exactly! There are so many options to make sex pleasurable and adventurous as long as your open and trusting. It’s something I’ll always advocate for, because sex is so much more than an act when you’re in a relationship, it’s intimacy.

    3. Love how open you are and how you are breaking down the walls to talk about relationships and sex. I think it is so important to communicate and to be open about sex both in relationships and with other people. It takes away the stigma, educates, and normalizes something that IS very normal and pleasurable. <3

      • Yes. Thank you so much, because I genuinely believe that topics like this are important. I know people will have their reserves because of humility and stigmas, but bodies and sex are natural. I don’t embarrass easily, so if I can be a voice and place of information and experience, the I’m more than happy to do it!

    4. I really admire the fact that you have such a wonderful relationship with your husband. Being best friends as well as spouses is a dream.

      Also, I’m glad there are people like you who are educating others about sex. There is so much misinformation out there, and I’m glad you’re writing about it. ☺️

    5. You. Are. The. Best! I love how open you are and that you’re talking about “taboo” subjects. Sex can be so amazing and it shouldn’t be something we shy away from talking about so I love that you’re not! And yay for having such an open, loving, intimate relationship!! ❤❤

      • Thanks babe! Stay tuned, because this coming week I’m sharing body positive bedroom tips, like in depth nsfw realness. I honestly wanted to be a sex therapist, but ended up declaring English as my major.

    6. Very interesting post Jenni, I am still in digesting what I just read lol, for me is extremely difficult to talk about sex the way you do it, open and clear. I am afraid on my head there are still the stigmas and taboos that you are talking about. My husband and I have a good relationship but when it comes to sex maybe we need to spice up the things a bit, thanks for sharing this

      • Sex isn’t the easiest thing to talk about, and I completely understand why. There are stigmas, and it’s so intimate. I just genuinely believe that having an open discourse and conversation can bring education and awareness. I also support female pleasure and having open lines of communication in the bedroom too. I’m happy you were able to read it. If you ever want to chat, I’m here. 😊

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