Do you know how many times I’ve tried to sneakily and sexily sashay over to the light switch before my husband and I hoped into the sheets for a little horizontal hustle? Before this year, there were more times than I could count, and he’d always try to turn them back on anyway. Instantly, I would tense up and have this internal debate about whether or not he could tell I was uncomfortable with my naked body.
He could tell, and it didn’t affect our sexual relationship, or so I thought. Turns out, since I’ve learned to embrace my curves and love my body as it is, our sex has become even more incredible, and I didn’t even think that was possible. I mean, it’s so good, I have zero fear sharing it with all of you, and some of my family members even read my blog- sorry Aunt Mandy. Point is, regardless of who, what, or why, we should never be ashamed of our bodies and their capabilities.
Now, it’s time to share some of my favorite tips for growing your body confidence in the bedroom. I know that being naked can make anyone feel vulnerable, but once you find that confidence that has been hiding away, you’ll feel free and can get down to getting down without any worry about how you think you may look to your partner.
Always Worse in Our Minds
I’m just going to dive right into this, so be prepared. The very first time my husband told me that he wanted me to be on top, all I could think about was jiggling and him looking up at my chins. Yes, chins, not chin.
I went to the worse place that I could mentally, and that kept me from not only totally enjoying myself but also letting go. Not letting go of those insecurities can really damper your pleasure, and that’s not fair. We all deserve to love our bodies and experience that pleasure with our partners.
It wasn’t easy to relax, but it happened. Apparently, the way we think we look isn’t how we look to our partners. Those of us with body image issues has distorted views of ourselves. My husband told me that he doesn’t see the negatives, and I should stop focusing on what I think the negatives are because I’m beautiful. He’s right.
1. Set the mood your way.
Some people like lingerie. Some people like candles and music. Some people like sex games and toys. The point is that you can customize the mood for you and your partner.
There’s no law saying you have to be naked with the lights on and head right into sex. You have the power to do what makes you comfortable, and being comfortable will help you be more open down the line. If you’re comfortable, it’ll also help you work on building your sexual confidence.
One way that always helps me let go of my body insecurities is when I’m wearing lingerie and my husband strips me. He feels my body as he takes the clothes off, and seeing his face through that reminds me that even though I may struggle with how my body looks somedays, he doesn’t feel that way towards me. He finds me incredibly beautiful and sexy, so it really helps ease me into my comfort zone with my body.
Talking to each other and finding out what turns us on goes a long way too. Having open lines of communication is extremely important, and that also includes being honest with how you feel about not only your partner but yourself as well.
2. Be open and up front about your insecurities in the bedroom.
Talking about sex is becoming less and less taboo, and I think that is because communication reigns key in so many situations. It’s always to better to be open and honest with your partner. That is also true for this. Tell your partner how your feeling, because it can be really helpful for them and you as well.
Make sure you don’t complain or put yourself down. Body image can be contagious. It can also divert your partner from touching you in certain areas, because they may not want to upset you. Be honest with them though, and talk without putting yourself down. Never fear communication.
When I first told my husband that I get tense and nervous about him seeing my body, he went out of his way to try to make me not only feel better mentally, but he also took the time to focus on me sexually. It also turned out that he had some insecurities as well, and we were able to bond over not being alone in our concerns. It helped deepen our connection. It also helped us be able to ease the other into letting go of fears and stresses about our bodies.
When I learned about his insecurities, I found ways to bring pleasure to those areas and show him how amazing he is and vice versa. I’m also not saying you have to have this talk while your stark naked getting ready for round one. This conversation can and should probably happen before sex.
It’s a lot easier to battle something when you know you aren’t alone. It’s important to also have a positive attitude about wanting to change your body image. Positivity has power, and it can make a difference. For us, we were also able to find silly things to laugh about and not take ourselves so seriously, because that’s who we are.
3. Laugh and have fun while your in the bedroom.
We have our intense sexual moments, love making moments, but we also play around and have fun. Being able to let loose and laugh helps both of us relax, so it has been handy to lighten the mood.
The very first time we had sex was awkward, hilarious, and magical all at once. There was a lot of head butts, teeth clacking, and “that’s it, right?” It was fun and all over the place. We were so incredibly nervous because it was something we had both wanted for a long time. It also took place in a bed of a truck in a soy bean field in the middle of the night. It was a fun, sexual adventure to say the least.
I also know that sexual blunders happen. Our bodies are so weird, and they make funny noises when we are pushing up against each other. In those moments, you can either keep going or laugh it out, but never feel ashamed of your body and what noises it may make during sex. Let it happen and embrace it, because it’s natural.
Being tense and holding your emotions in will only dampen the sexual momentum. Have fun together, and try things in a way that works for both of you.
4. Be vocal about not only what you want but also what feels good.
Once I stop overthinking, I’m very vocal in the bedroom. We like to tell each other what we want too. Those yells and moans, or however they are verbalized, help me to forget my body concerns. They also help boost my confidence.
In those moments, my husband isn’t concentrating on the negatives that I assumed he noticed. He’s enjoying every second, and once he made that very clear, it was on. It really helped me push through my insecurities, and it made me go one step further and feel sexy.
At that point, I was learning that holding back had zero positive outcomes, so I went for it. I was able to break out of my body image box a bit more.
5. Try the positions you held yourself back from doing, because of lack of body confidence.
Once I started feeling more sexy and confident in the bedroom, I decided to try positions that I’ve always wanted to try, but I didn’t think I’d be good at them because I’m a curvy woman.
As open as I am, the phrase “sit on his face” still makes me feel weird, but yes, I’m going to talk about it anyway. My husband asked over and over again if he could go down on me, but I was terrified I’d smother the man.
He thought I was a bit nuts and he welcomed it like a challenge to prove me wrong. Let me tell you, I was definitely wrong, and I won’t ever make that mistake again. From there on, I went for the positions that scared me. I just let loose, and it really built up my sexual confidence.
Why It’s Important
Loving your body is important for so many reasons. It can improve your life in so many ways, and that includes the bedroom. When we have body confidence in the bedroom, we are more likely to perform better, try new things, and indulge and focus on sexual sensations we may have been missing before. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to miss a moment of orgasm, which is another reason I decided that building my body confidence was much needed.
Sex feels good, but it’s not always so cut and dry. There isn’t a one size fits all sex. Everyone has different pleasures and preferences. It’s similar to the fact that all bodies are different and diverse.
Sex feels good, and bodies are beautiful. Both are positives, and both come with a lot of varieties and options, so it’s important to learn and discover what you like together. My husband and I are playful and goofy people, but not every couple is the same. It’s okay to be different, and it should be celebrated. That goes for bodies as well.
It’s okay to not instantly feel 100% confident with your body during your next session between the sheets, but try to build that confidence. I promise you’ll notice a difference, and it’s mind-blowing.
-With Love, Jenni