Self-Love, Sex Talk, and Slut-Shaming: One of These Things is Not Like the Other

Did I just mention and or hint at my next upcoming book title? Perhaps. Today, I am discussing a few things that actually pair well with each other and another that tends to get lumped in, even when it doesn’t belong. Time to talk about self-love, sex talk, and slut-shaming centered around women.

Self love is when you have this unconditional and genuine love, appreciation, and acceptance for yourself. Now, when I say sex talk, I mean discussing sex, sexuality, and pleasure. Slut-shaming is basically judging women for engaging in, some form or another, something provocative in a sexual nature. Next, you’re probably wondering why I have these three concepts sandwiched together.

In my experience, self-love is something we all need to work on, much like self-care, on a regular basis. Discussing sex and what makes us feel good is apart of our self-love journey, because sexuality is within you and not just apart of sexual engagement. Sex is bigger than an act, and sexual self-love is important. When women openly talk about pleasure and sex as well as how it relates to our self-love and care, we are often met with the latter concept- slut-shaming.

Self-Love

I have been on a self-love journey for awhile. It has been a rocky road, but during this journey, I have managed to fight my eating disorder and remain in recovery. Also, I have discovered body acceptance.

Falling in love with myself wasn’t easy, but in doing so, I have learned the importance of self-love. It’s not just about taking care of your body, because self-love goes beyond self-care. Sure, taking care of yourself is apart of self-love, because loving yourself and understanding your worth means that you will be kind to your mind, body, and spirit as a result.

At first, I’ll admit I thought the term self-love was a bit hokey. I mean, who really needs to learn how to love themselves. Then, it hit me, I did. I needed self-love desperately, because for too long, I thought the love of another was meant to complete us and make us whole. WRONG.

We aren’t a half looking for another. We are whole beings, and we need to love ourselves wholly in order to live a positive and fulfilling life. Self-love is that “completed” and satisfying feeling that so many search for in another, but it’s right there inside all of us. We are all capable of self-love, and even more so, we are worthy of it.

Sex Talk

When it comes to sex talk, I don’t hold back. I’ve lost followers from my willingness to break down barriers and stigmas, because I won’t back down from the importance of sex, sex talk, and female pleasure. Regardless of who likes it or wants to hear it, sex is an important thing to talk about, and it definitely goes beyond an physical act.

As women, we often feel like we need to be private when talking about sex. This is because we worry so much about image. Let me just say, it’s your sex, your body, and your pleasure, so don’t be afraid to communicate and be open about it. It’s natural and apart of life.

It’s time to shout, “YES, YES, YES,” and be vocal about sex. I understand talking about it makes you feel vulnerable, but if you don’t let a little vulnerability in, you’ll never grow. Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone, my dear.

Slut-Shaming

Is slut-shaming the reason you don’t want to talk about sex, sexuality, and what feels good? I know, because I felt that way for a long time. In high school, I remember sitting around the lunch table and listening to the girls at the table talk about sex.

Those same girls were slut-shamed, and one of them was one of my best friends. I never looked down on her or thought she was a slut like everyone else. I admired her for speaking up, talking about taboo things, and embracing her sex, sexuality, and what felt good to her. She was my sexual hero and is part of the reason I am so comfortable talking about sex.

That girl made me realize that we all have the power to learn and grow from sex, because it’s bigger than an act. We should learn to separate our self-worth, especially as sexual beings, from someone else’s ideas about who we are. That is one way we will become comfortable and confident in our own sexual self and grow our self-love. Because if anything, sex, sexual self-worth, and self-love start with us. Keyword being SELF.

When you think about it, slut-shaming is just an ugly patriarchal box that women are supposed to say inside of, otherwise shame is thrown our way. I don’t like being put in a box, and you shouldn’t either. Slut-shaming can happen anytime a woman does something seen as “scandalous.” Whether it’s how she represents her body or the topics she chooses to discuss, i.e. sex, women will be put down and slut-shamed.

Just because it happens, doesn’t mean it should. We should be allowed to love ourselves, our bodies, and our sex. I want to empower other women to do the same, because the worst kind of slut-shaming, in my opinion, is between two women.

Don’t betray your sisters. Exploring our bodies and sex without judgement from other women SHOULD BE a given. However, society sucks. So, let’s change it.

Self-Esteem and Sexuality

Did you also know that your self-esteem can affect your sexuality? Nourishing your sexual energy can and will increase your body confidence and body image. Owning that we are sexual beings and talking about sex can also lead to loving yourself more. This is because when you are that honest with yourself, you get this sense of freedom. It’s because you’re owning your sexuality and desires, and that should be a goal for everyone.

When we lack self-esteem, we also tend to lack sexual confidence. That can drag down our self-love, body confidence, and overall image. See, sex and sex talk are good for the soul. It’s good for your self-love. That is another reason that slut-shaming simply holds zero merit. All it does is drag down all of those positives.

I know it may seem scary to open up about something as personal as sex, but, like I’ve said, sex isn’t just an act behind closed doors. Also, I’m not saying talk about it with a stranger on the bus. Just be open to the idea of discussing sex, pleasure, and similar concepts with someone you’re close to or even your partner. Start a discourse about sex, self-love, and how they relate, even if it’s just with yourself in a journal.

Shatter That Box

I want you to shatter that box that keeps you from talking about sex and female pleasure. Shatter the box that keeps you from embracing your body and its natural functions and feelings. That box will never allow you to grow, so break it and break free.

Being open about pleasure and discussing the importance of sex should never have to do with seeking approval from others. Embracing self-love, sex, and your self-worth also have nothing to do with seeking attention. Do these things with intention, not for attention. Always have the intention of growing your self-love and confidence.

The Takeaway

Self-love, sex talk, and slut-shaming: one of these things is not like the other. This means you should love yourself wholly and unapologetically. Embrace your body, sex, pleasure, and sexuality because they are natural parts of life. Stand up to slut-shaming and walk towards sexual self-worth.

As women, we have the power to build each other up, learn, and grown from one another. We have the power over our bodies and minds, so choose to grow, embrace, and love yourself wholly.

Have a magical week.

-With Love,

Jenni

17 thoughts on “Self-Love, Sex Talk, and Slut-Shaming: One of These Things is Not Like the Other”

  1. It’s so bizarre how we live in this culture where women are hyper-sexualized, yet for women to have real talk about sex or explore their sexual desires is taboo.

  2. I admire you for talking about this. I am afraid to mention things like this on my blog because I am worried I lose readers. It is a big part of body confidence

    1. I hated losing readers, but I believe in education, discussions, and awareness of things regardless of how taboo they may be. Thank you for your admiration and reading. Sending my love and support!

  3. This is fantastic. I have tried to talk sex on my blog and I really admire how easily you do it. I find it do inspiring. Thank you.

  4. I’m definitely in need of some self love. I’m not in a good place regarding that, and since I haven’t had a sex life in over 5 years due to a trauma that happened back then, it hasn’t made me feel any better about myself.

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m going to read it again and more thoroughly once I’m off work.

    XO Steph

    1. Thanks for reading. Iโ€™m so sorry for your trauma, and I hope you can find your way out of that difficult place. You are worthy of love and happiness towards yourself. Sending love and support!!

  5. Such an amazing post!!! I’ve been on my own little journey of confidence and self love. I’m hoping to be able to confidently own and be able to talk about sex and sexuality soon!

  6. Yes. Girl just yes! This whole article resonated with me, but especially “We arenโ€™t a half looking for another. We are whole beings, and we need to love ourselves wholly in order to live a positive and fulfilling life.” That sentence needs to be put on mugs shirts, billboards. It is SO true! Thank you for writing another amazing article! <3

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