Coffee Talks: Never Fake It Until You Make It

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I was on Pinterest scrolling for myself rather than doing blog related work, and I kept seeing a pattern. At first, I saw self-love and confidence pins with tips to help you fake it until you make it. Right after that, I saw 2 or 3 pins about how to fake it until you make it as professional blogger.

Honestly, faking it until you make it, with anything, is a concept that I disagree with. I even wrote about how it’s not a good idea to fake confidence until you have it in my book, Eat the Damn Muffin. For many years, I was faking confidence. I pretended to love myself, but it was a complete lie. All it did was make me feel worse and cause my ED to spiral even more.

When I started Housewife Hustle, I was constantly reading tips on how I could improve, and a lot of bloggers were sharing why and how to fake it until you make it. At the time, I was instantly turned off by those bloggers. In that moment, I swore I would always be transparent with my readers, whether it was about blogging or not. That’s part of the reason I’ve been called the “anti-blogger” of bloggers I guess. I don’t help others grow their blogging profession with a false curtain in front of what I do.

I believe in being authentic, leading with passion, and using your stumbles as lessons to grow. Also, I believe in doing all of that out loud for my readers and world to see. I want to help others and show that not everyone can become “a professional blogger in 6 months” or whatever the pins claim. This is a hard job that genuinely takes time to succeed in. Faking it until you make it isn’t the way I want to climb that ladder to success.

There’s Another Way

I’m not saying you can’t become a full-time, professional blogger in 6 months. What I’m saying is that faking it until you make it isn’t the right approach to becoming successful in anything. Sure, a few may have gotten lucky with that strategy, but there’s another way.

Online, whether you’re a blogger or not, our lives are laid out in snippets for others to witness. I don’t support being fake or altering you life in a way that leads others to believe you’re perfect. Mistakes and accomplishments are both things that I’m very open about and think more people should be as well.

Painting our lives, even our professional ones, as a perfect picture can be damaging. It can send the wrong message. It can glorify the wrong aspects of life. Whether it’s blogging or confidence in general, faking it until you make it isn’t the way I want to learn and grow in life.

Where’s the Authenticity

I completely understand why some may think faking it until you make it can help. When we lack confidence, we can hold ourselves back from making decisions. If you just fake your confidence and go for it, things could turn out okay. However, you can lose yourself and your authenticity this way.

When we don’t share the whole truth, it can be harder for others to relate or connect to us. I get a lot of messages from bloggers and women who are trying to love themselves. They want to go after a career that makes them happy, so in return, they ask how I do this. They also ask me how I deal with things that are so challenging sometimes.

If I wasn’t honest and didn’t share the good and the bad of my journey, people who are looking for examples could end up feeling defeated. It’s important to celebrate your accomplishments, but they didn’t happen without your fumbles and missteps. When we hide how we got to where we are, we promote this false sense of perfection. It can be damaging to our mental health, our readers mental health, and can honestly just get messy.

Live Out Loud

If we don’t live out loud because of the real events that lead us to where we are, we are discrediting the journey. I don’t want to discredit my journey in any way, because this shit is hard. So, I don’t know about you, but I want to be proud of my journey- the whole journey.

I understand not wanting to be embarrassed. Also, I understand wanting to lead with our successes, but the mistakes help others relate. Recently, I had a handful of men, who were diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa, find me on Instagram. They wanted to know how in hell was I so “brave” and “capable” if I was also struggling with a rare eye disease and being legally blind. I sent them a few of my posts, and shared my own ups and downs with them.

They were able to walk away from our conversations with confidence, because they knew they weren’t alone. They felt comfort in knowing that their journey was going to be a challenge, but they could handle it because there are a ton of examples of people living and detailing their stumbles and successes while living with RP. My authenticity helped them.

If I faked it until I made it and never showed how the challenges of life affect me, they may not have left our conversations with the same confidence. Living out loud allows others to learn from us, and it also allows us to learn and grow at the same time.

Be Humble

I am a very humble woman, and faking it until you make it can cause us to lose sight of being humble. We have to continue to humble ourselves, so we can learn and grow in everything we do. It’s easy to hide behind online personas, but that is something I do my best to avoid.

Sure, it’d be easy to cover up the anxiety and frustration that I go through. It might save me a little embarrassment, but it wouldn’t do as much good either. It wouldn’t be good for me or the example I set. One of the things that sets us apart of from each other is our individuality and our journeys. I don’t want to have a persona that doesn’t show the blood, sweat, and tears that it took to get here. I also don’t want to follow others who hide their journey.

The Takeaway

Faking it until you make it is not only exhausting, but no one can learn from it. Embracing the “I don’t knows” and wanting to pursue knowledge and experience can be so incredibly freeing and amazing. Life is a messy sequence of ups and downs, and without the downs, it’s a boring and false straight line.

No one will ever know all the things. One of the ultimate purposes of life is the continued pursuit of knowledge and our crafts. Value your authenticity, and the confidence (or whatever you’re trying to fake) will happen organically.

Have patience and faith, and if you need a push, I believe in you. It’s time to drop any veils of perfection, and live your life out loud. You’ll grow, learn, and attract all of the good things you’re chasing. I promise!

What’s your opinion on “faking it until you make it?” I’d love to chat!

-With Love,

Jenni

18 thoughts on “Coffee Talks: Never Fake It Until You Make It”

  1. Love this post! I also like that we have different opinions on this. I think it comes down to the situation. I have a post in the queue about this kind of thing and leaving your comfort zone. In my experience of being a sports journalist for the first time going on location, faking it until I was comfortable was the best thing for me to do. I pushed away the fear and went in headstrong, pretending I knew what I was doing so I was seen as an authority figure. It worked until I got my bearings and now I love going on location and would love to go to some more high-profile schools to cover games.

    XO Steph

    1. I’m happy it was a strategy that was able to work for you. When it comes to blogging, I relate better who bloggers who are completely transparent, rather than those putting on a facade. Also, when it comes to confidence, it can be an unhealthy strategy. I totally see how it can work like it did for your situation though. Thanks for sharing!!

      1. You’re welcome! I love when we can have different views on things but not attack each other over them. There’s too much of that happening in the world right now.

  2. When I started my healing journey 10 yrs ago I spent a year in and out of a psychiatric hospital. My main doctor used to always say this phrase to me. It has never resonated with me. Thankfully, I find there are so many other ones that did😉
    I’m with you Jenni, the more transparent and genuine, the more I respect that person. I don’t fake anything…ever! Not even my lashes LOL😊❤

      1. Yes my friend! I look forward to your posts because they’re always insightful and give important information!!

  3. I love your take! We do tend to see a lot of people trying to make others believe that they are living the life that they want to live, rather than what they are exactly living. I love how you mentioned being humble, and I think that being humble can go really far with building an audience in anything. However sadly, our world is attracted to the glamour of success, so there may always be a divide between the two arguments.

  4. I feel a bit of both with regards to fake it till you make it. As a novice medical professional entering into many new situations- hell yes I faked it. I could not make my lack of confidence other people’s issues or concerns- especially when their job was to focus on healing. I look at the phrase more along the lines of if I am creating self doubt but I have the skill and passion than yes fake it and don’t allow my fear to stop me. That being afraid and doing it anyway action is my most authentic form of self. So maybe fake it till you make it isn’t the most accurate but I have applied it and I think it serves a purpose in certain circumstances. Sometimes we do have to trim or tailor who we are. Read the room, don’t say everything I think. Those kinds of things. To a certain extent our authenticity levels are always adjusting, or at least that’s my opinion. Thanks! Thought provoking post!

    1. I completely agree with you. Fake it until you make it doesn’t necessarily fit situations where it’s your passion but there’s fear, but at the same time it does. I think it’s time to repurpose and reword the damn phrase at this point. “Push through with exaggerated confidence until you have better footing” maybe? Haha, now I’m reaching. Thanks so much for your comment and point of view!

      1. Lately I’ve been using “fuck fear” or “be afraid but do it anyway”. I think sometimes it is so helpful to vocalize the fears and ask for help and other times I have to keep it private and deal with it myself, lest be eaten alive! Lol

      2. Yes, yes, yes! That’s so true. I’d also combine them to “fuck being afraid, and just do it.” It’s a great way to get outside of our comfort zone where real growth and challenge can happen.

  5. Girl, YES! Everything about this post is spot on. Personally, I relate to a lot of what you wrote, but I can also see it from the other side. Some people are born to BS their way through things. There are days where I wish I had that same power, but I don’t see the value in it in the long run. When you fall, you learn. That’s what some people miss out on when they’re so concentrated in making sure they can cut corners. When you put in the hard work, it shows.

    I love your blog so much! I just started my blog back up after going MIA for awhile. Can’t wait to see more of your future posts 🙂

    1. Yes!! Thank you! I completely agree with valuing the lessons from when we fall. Your comment made my day! Thanks for reading.

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