Every time I publish a sex positive post, I lose about 6 followers on average. Also, I receive at least one comment or message telling me that I should be more private about matters dealing with sex. Every single time, I ignore the messages and loss of support, because sex positivity isn’t just a passion of mine. It’s important.
When I say “sex positive,” some assume I’m trying to cram my sexual experiences down their throats, but that’s a bit harsh and way off base. In reality, it’s about having an accepting and respectful attitude toward the sexual choices, practices, and relationships of others. Sex positivity has nothing to do with shoving the physical act of sex down the throats of others. It just genuinely promotes communication and education when it comes to sex, sexuality, and sexual relationships.
I choose to be sex positive, because who am I to judge others? Sex positivity is about removing that judgement from something that is natural, healthy, and apart of our everyday lives. When you are sex positive, you are embracing any expression of sexuality that is healthy and consensual. That’s a concept that more of us need to get behind.
How to Be More Sex Positive
Sex positive doesn’t equate to having and talking about having sex all of the time. It’s just an open and understanding attitude towards sex and sexuality as a whole. For too long, we’ve been made to feel like sex should be equated with shame, especially as women.
Women are often shamed for being open and honest about sex and their desires. Our bodies also become targets of slut-shaming, and we are put down for embracing our sexuality and sexual wants. Not only are those actions wrong, it’s all apart of what the sex positive movement can change if more people understand the whys and hows.
Since I’ve broken down what sex positive means and why it’s important. Now, it’s time to talk about how we can become more sex positive in our everyday lives.
1. Start with educating yourself.
Go beyond the sexual experiences that you’ve had, and educate yourself. Sex isn’t just a set of positions and putting stuff into other stuff. It’s complex and diverse.
Learning how others enjoy and live sexually will take you outside of your sexual bubble. This will help you understand others. It will also help you understand yourself and your sexuality more.
2. Be more candid in conversations about sex.
My friends and family know that I am very candid when it comes to conversations about sex. This helps with education and communication, because there’s more to sex than what you may share with your partner. The world of sex is vast, and talking about it can be fun, educational, and extremely positive. I’m not saying you have to detail every aspect of you romper room activities, but being more candid can also cut down on judgments, stigma, and shame.
On more than one instance, I’ve received messages saying I shouldn’t be sharing something so private with the world, but how in the hell are others supposed to grow, learn, and accept others if those conversations don’t happen? Speak up about sex, ditch the shame, and know that it’s okay to do so.
3. Learn and communicate what you want sexually.
Do you know what you want in the bedroom? It’s okay if you don’t know the exact answer, but that’s why it’s important to learn and communicate along the way. Open doors if you’re not exactly sure what you want. Try new things, and learn what makes you feel good.
You wouldn’t order a meal from a restaurant that you didn’t like. So, try to think of it like that. Order want you want, and voice those desires. Pleasure is an important part of being sex positive.
4. Explore yourself.
I will be an advocate for masturbation until I die. How are we going to find out what we like and don’t like if we don’t try things out and explore our own bodies. Masturbation is healthy and good for your soul. It releases all the good chemicals, and it also helps you learn about your body and pleasure along the way.
A handful of woman I used to know would freak out anytime I mentioned self-pleasure. They would instantly claim, “that’s what so and so is for,” and say that they don’t need to do that. I would instantly be shamed, and they’d act as if my partner wasn’t doing a good job or something.
Let’s get something straight, if you have this opinion, you’re being judgement and closed minded. You can do and be better, sis. Flick your bean the next time you’re stressed out, you’ll thank me.
5. Consent matters.
Talk about consent. Consent is a part of the being sex positive, and it’s extremely important. We all have the right to have sex or not to have sex. Respecting sexual boundaries is huge, and you should be vocal about what consent means to you.
6. Be body positive- in a sense.
Yes, body positivity is a movement meant for marginalized bodies, but you can still have an attitude that supports body positivity. Accept and embrace your body, especially during sex. Bodies and sex are a pair, and you can’t really have sex without your body. So, be kind to yourself and that beautiful bod of yours.
Having a positive body image will lend a hand to your sexual attitude. They really do go hand in hand. If you struggle with body image, working on that can greatly improve your sex and sexual attitude. You can also check out my Body Positive Tips for the Bedroom.
7. Stop Slut-Shaming.
Slut-shaming is something I’ve experienced since the 5th grade. Our bodies are often targets of slut-shaming, because of the insecurities of others. If we were more vocal about sex and sexuality, perhaps slut-shaming could end.
Slut shaming is this awful idea and practice of criticizing women for behavior or clothing that is perceived as promiscuous or scandalous. What do we get from shaming women about their sexual or bodily choices? Nothing. Exactly. So, let’s work on minding our own business, and stop judging others.
8. Talk about the importance of sexual education and health.
We really need a more sex positive approach to sexual education and health. My sex-ed classes from high school were all about abstinence and discussing the negative aspects that could come from sex like STI’s. When we create stigma and fear around something, we don’t know how to approach it in a safe and educated manner. Being more sex positive can really aid in the education and health of our bodies as well as the understanding of our bodies and sexual experiences.
9. Embrace that the world is full of sexual diversity.
What I like might not be what you like, and that’s okay. If we allow ourselves to understand that the world is full of sexual diversity, the judgement and stigmas start to fade away. Just because I enjoy a certain style of sex doesn’t mean you have to, and talking about it creates a positive and open discourse that is really needed.
10. Stop apologizing and start accepting.
Sex isn’t going anywhere. Being judgmental and closed-minded won’t make sex or the sexual experiences of others disappear. Accept that sex is healthy, natural, and apart of everyday life.
Stop apologizing for talking about sex, wanting to learn more about sex and your own pleasure, and being sex positive. You’re allowed to feel how you feel, and that also includes not always wanting to yell about sex from the roof tops. You can be sex positive and not have to talk about it all the time, but you can also talk about it all of the time. Stop apologizing and accept that there are differences that come with sex and talking about it.
Sex is a human experience. I love talking about sex and continually learning, but if you don’t, that’s okay. You don’t have to put down what I like and vice versa. However, I won’t apologize for being vocal about sex and what I like. There are boundaries that we all have, and those aren’t something you need to be sorry for.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
Unlearning the shame and stigma that surrounds sex isn’t easy, but if you want to be more sex positive, it’s incredibly worth it. We need to work on building communities with the understanding that being open and honest about sex isn’t a bad thing. We can learn and grow as a whole while also leaving judgement behind, because it really does hold us back from being our best selves and leading happy lives.
So, why not say yes, yes, yes to being more sex positive! I’d love to hear your thoughts on sex positivity.